


Is it ok to hate you?

by cgthreethousand



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angels, Dark Hinata, Dark Romance, F/F, F/M, Obsession, Sadistic Hinata, Suicidal Thoughts, naruto bashing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-07 11:16:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19208281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cgthreethousand/pseuds/cgthreethousand
Summary: She wanted to die. For Kami to wrap her in his arms and carry her to her cousin, the only person who really cared.Hinata Hyuga wanted to escape. Instead she gets assigned the task of being a guardian angel to the child of a demon. Will she survive? And can she find love along the way?





	1. Chapter 1

**This is a side project. Sasuhina. Haters be gone. Hinata's pov.**

_This is Hinata's thoughts._

**This is to signify the voices. (I also bold for emphasis on some words or phrases.)**

_**This is Hinata's foreshadowing slash final declaration thing.** _

**Beware this is pretty dark. Innocent readers beware.**

* * *

 

I hate you. It's okay to hate you right? It's okay to hate the way you smile, hate the way your blond hair falls in your eyes, those eyes that will never look at me. It's okay to hate you right? To hate the beautiful aura that surrounds you at all times, the aura of a hero, the aura of something so bright it's almost sickening for tainted eyes to look at. Tainted eyes like mine.

 **Am I allowed to hate you?** When you come down the streets of Konoha with your orange attire. Orange attire that never failed to catch my eyes, even when you thought no one was looking. I was always looking. Always watching. Always waiting.

 **Is it okay to hate you?** You seem to take my love as a joke because you never answered. As if I didn't deserve your answer in the first place. Like I wasn't even worthy of your acknowledgment. **I hate you**. Because even if I dyed my hair cotton candy pink and had eyes green like Konoha's forest, your sky blue eyes would never touch mine. I’m background noise. A noise you decided was a little too quiet to listen to so you skipped on. Chasing after a girl who never loved you in the first place, while she chased after your best friend who didn't love her.

You're an idiot. And I hate you.

 **Is it okay to hate myself?** To hate my heart because it still beats rapidly when I see you. Is it okay to hate myself for loving everything about you? To love the tilt of your lips and hear your happiness when you're with her. Is it okay to hate myself? Am I allowed to gasp for air in the water prison I created? Am I allowed to break out of chains that my love created? Am I to blame for being the disgrace of the Hyuga, a wilting flower worth no ones time?

 **Do you know how it feels?** To know that you live your existence solely for one person. Do you know how it feels to realize that you've given up your goals in life because you've been chasing a dream for so long, a dream that will never come true? Only to realize you've wasted your time. You traded yourself in exchange for a far-fetched future that you will never have. And when you unmask the thief, the _**robber**_ who had stolen your future and gave you disappointment after disappointment, you end up staring at yourself. Gray and unforgiving Hyuga eyes. To think I could live with the lies I have created for myself is not surprising. It's pathetic.

I should've known the truth. Accepted it. The world kills beautiful things. It killed Neji. It killed my love for you. I’m empty.  Hollow and grey like the pretty bowls adorning the private table in the Hyuga compound. Ugly. Unnecessary. Forgotten. Those are the consequences for people like me. Ugly things like me. The world kills beautiful things and ensures ugly things suffer. In my case, I lived for you so long, I forgot how to live for myself. My punishment was watching you and realizing how much I dirty the world with my presence.

This is my suffering. My payment. It's time to cleanse the world.

* * *

 

I watched the kunai as it slashed across the blue veins in my wrist.

I regretted nothing.

I lived for you and now that everything's blank I can't even live for myself.

Don't be deceived into thinking that I am weak. The voices tell me otherwise. They know.

**End your suffering.**

**You're one of the smart few.**

**Do it! Do it! Do it!**

"I've done it!" I whispered, excitement laced in my voice.

_**I may have lived for you...** _

I heard blood drop and splash on the ground. Black spots were covering my vision.

"Time for the second one."

_**... But I die by my own hands. My own will.** _

_Death is orgasmic. Beautiful. Delicious. Freeing._

A smile made its way onto my face. I will never be deceived by myself again.


	2. Running to Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata wants to die and meets a demon in an angels disguise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol you already know that I want you to enjoy the story. I forgot to put Itachi in the character description but just know he's in here. Get lit! Get hype and read the damn chapter!

 

I was falling into darkness. It was not uncomfortable but welcoming. I wanted to die. Closing my eyes I smiled feeling the wind against my face. I could-

 _Thump!_ My body hit the ground - or whatever solid thing I fell on in the afterlife - with enough force to knock my lungs out. I didn't move because everything hurt. My lungs felt like they were collapsing, my legs hurt, and my head pounded. Despite that, I felt no blood on it.  _Do hollow and lifeless things bleed in the afterlife,_  I thought bitterly.After a few minutes, I felt good enough to lift myself up off the ground. _I guess not._ Standing up I was able to get a good look at myself. I scoffed at what I saw.

A silk dress hugged my body like a second skin, making me feel exposed in all the ugliest ways. The silk was tinted purple and billowed around my knees in a graceful dance. It was beautiful and I wondered briefly why someone would waste something of such good quality on the likes of me. The dress was light and airy. My body felt the opposite. I felt heavy, like my skin was drenched in ash. I had no doubt it was the weight of my sins.  _Kami knows living when Neji died is my heaviest one._

As soon as the thought ran through my head, I began to take my surroundings in. Something was off about the endless darkness. As I looked around a cold settled in.

 _ **Beautiful things don't survive here.**_ The voices whispered.

I shivered.

Not wasting any time, my feet began to walk through the darkness trying to find my way through. For a few minutes, nothing happened and silence enveloped my body. _I don't hear that many voices as usual._ I smirked. _I must have finally done something right._

An almost abrupt change in scenery was seen as if there was a line between the darkness and the field of grass that lay before me. Taking in a deep breath I stepped onto the green grass, fearing what would await me if I stayed in darkness and silence for too long.

Walking through the field of grass made me smile. It reminded me of a time where I was with my Oka-san smelling fresh flowers while she smiled and mixed them into soaps and lotions for my sensitive baby skin.  _Hinata-Chan has to smell good hmmm._ Her voice was beautiful, even in her head.

_**Beautiful things die first. And make no mistake Hinata. The things you love will die first.** _

I felt like I’d been punched in the gut when I heard the voice, it’s chilling voice ruining my peaceful state of mind. I took a glance back to see the darkness staining the scenery, almost as if was trying to swallow me back up. The voices wanted company. They always did. 

I ran.

I ran until my feet bled and healed again. I ran until I fell down. Then I got up and ran again. I ran until I felt like my heart would fall right out my chest. I ran even if there was nothing chasing me anymore. I ran and ran and-

My head collided with something hard.

_**Run. Run. Run from this man. He will only cause you harm. Run. Run from hi-** _

"Don't listen to those voices Hinata. Your safe now."

I looked up and observed the man with a sense of foreboding. I was staring straight into the eyes of Itachi Uchiha.


	3. No More Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata meets a demon iban angels disguise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I update frequently. I accept requests. I also want people to know in this story that Hinata is mentally and emotionally unstable. Her actions and thoughts don’t always make sense. You’ll probably question later on in the story what she’s on. Don’t worry. I know.
> 
> Bold and Italics: This equals future Hinata. She will go in and out some of these chapters.
> 
> Bold:These are the voices.
> 
> Italics: Flashbacks or thoughts depends on what context.

 

I didn't trust him. Not even when he helped me up or reassured me that the voices wouldn't find me anymore. I would never trust someone that I just met.

_Blue eyes. White smile. Ramen. Blond hair. Orange Clo-_

I dug my fingernails into the palm of my hand until I felt the ruby red blood dripping from them. Some things should remain in the past. Like me and him. And everything that the old Hinata risked her life for.

"What brings you here Hinata?" he said, as if it was the most casual thing in the world. As if I wasn’t Hinata Hyuga and he wasn’t Itachi Uchiha. As if we weren’t dead.

Itachi had a kinder voice than I expected. The kind of voice that chases nightmares away, the kind of voice that guides you down a path, the kind of voice you long for.

I wondered how many tortured souls had heard that voice before their throats were ripped out.

"The voices. Me. Everyone," I said without hesitance. To say that I was the only one to bring myself here would not be completely true either. After all, everyone wanted me here. Their looks of pity and fake words of sorrow would have led anyone to their grave. _Poor,sad, Hinata. Quiet, useless Hinata._ They all fucking whispered when they thought I wasn’t listening. I always was. That’s why I made a decision.

Some of us can’t decide whether they want to leave the world. Just turns out I was the one.

"What do you want from me? Why have you saved me? When can I die?"

An unspoken question lingered on what was left of my heart.

_When can I see Neji?_

"I believe you've been sent to me for a reason Hinata. A twist of fate you may say," his dark gray eyes turned to mine and surprisingly, he smiled, "A twist of fate that may have saved you from your foolish self."

"I am not foolish!"

"If you weren't your plan of dying would have worked by now, wouldn't it?"

Silence.

The blood from my palms dripped on my dress and I'm sure if we weren't in the afterlife - or wherever the hell we were - that my Byukagun would have activated. How dare he? Does a man who murdered his whole clan even have the right to tell me an error in my actions. Who did h-

"What if I told you that I could give you something exceeding the death you desire. What if I told you that you could take a role similar to the one your late cousin played?"

_**The first chance I ever had was given to me by an angel who had lived his whole life playing a devil.** _

I felt like my blood froze. _A role that Neji-Nii-san played? And what role could that be? Could h-_

"What if I told you that you have the chance to save something beautiful?"

"Something beautiful?" I said with wonder. _How could I of all people save something that was born to be wilted?_

"My child was born into this world from a woman named Izumi Uchiha. I died in battle with my brother and shortly after the disease that had been hanging over me took her out too. My child was three years old when its mother died in front of its eyes. Shortly after missing-nin infiltrated my house. I have no idea where the child is but I have an idea. I want you to find my child and protect it with your life till it lives to be 10. If you chose death, even after that then I will allow it."

The words sunk in slowly, but I understood. Seven years to live and a chance to die. Seven years to wait before I got to see Neji again. Seven years and then I'll finally be free. Seven years...

"Seven years to be a guardian angel," I whispered.

Itachi smiled as if he already knew the answer I would be choosing.

"Unless you are foolish enough to stay here, then I suggest you get going..."

"Wait! I still have questions. Why did you let Izumi live? Why me? Did Neji send you here? Where is this pl-"

"Unfortunely, my daughter can't wait much longer. You have seven years Hinata. You are getting a second chance. Don't mess it up."

He leaned down to meet my eyes and all of sudden I could see why Sasuke had strived to be stronger than Itachi. He was a taunting figure, the type of person who is always ten steps ahead.

Before I could even process it, Itachi had poked my forehead, making a foreign feeling spread through my back. The silence that had once stained the air was interrupted by voices screaming threats.

**Turn around.**

**Come back with us!**

**Don't save that demon's spawn.**

My eyesight blackened around its edges. The last thing I saw was the kind smile on Itachi's face and the white wings sprouting from my back in the reflection of his eyes.

_Neji-nii-san...wait for me._

_I've got seven years to wait before I choose my death._

_**How wrong I was.** _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always RIP my fingers because they really do is put that work in


	4. Thanks for your tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata tells Tsunade her truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aré u still here? I’m surprised. Sooooo umm yeah....enjoy.

I had been sitting there for hours scowling at the blank white hospital wall that was trapping me within it's confines. Would I always be trapped? The question echoed in my mind and unlike usual the voices only buzzed around not making too much sound. I grit my teeth. Now that they were gone I didn't know if I could live or not. They prevented that silence. That dangerous silence that left me on my own. In my own mind. And voices shouting for me to harm myself were always better than my own thoughts. Black feathers from an angel flashed through my mind and I wondered if Itachi gave me wings since he took away the voices. Because at least I could trust the voices. My mind…

_Not so much._

* * *

 

**Your not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness**

_**\- Unknown** _

It was five minutes later that Tsunade walked in on me staring at the walls. I think she must have sensed the dangerous silence creeping up on me because she spoke as soon as she came in. Her chair squeaked as she sat down. I continued to admire the wall. An exposed nail sat there out in the open.

"How are you feeling Hinata," she said in a voice that was meant to comfort me. I mentally scoffed. I killed myself for freedom not to hear pitying voices.

"Fine Tsunade-sama. Never been better."

My sentence hung in the air like the ugly lie it was. When we would stop playing pretend? I didn't want to live, why ask me questions that people had asked me every day. Why feel sorry now when you didn't notice I was dying? Did it really take an angels blessing for people to appreciate my life?

"You know what I meant. Hinata," she sighed, "Your teammates have been waiting outside. You've been out for awhile."

Awhile. It had only felt like 20 minutes in heaven or hell. I didn't know whether Itachi was a helpful angel or a nice demon. I assumed the latter. Wait how-

"How long have I been out?" I whispered in my withered voice. That was the only way to describe it.

"A week and 8 hours Hinata. You almost died of blood loss."

"That was the point," I muttered.

I heard her sigh. I'm glad I can make someone share my pain.

"The rookie nine is outside. Your team is worried. Everyone is. Naru-"

The vase full of flowers on the windshield shattered. I tried my best not to smile. So Itachi gave me more than wings I guess.

"Like I wanna see them anyways. They brought me here. **He** brought me here."

Her fist slammed on the table. Angry honey colored eyes glared down at me.

"I understand that you are going through a lot but it is not acceptable to blame everything on those who have always cared for you. I refuse to act like you don't care when so many people think of you as their precious person," she said getting up from her chair. "You are forbidden from leaving the village for a year. You are going to be staying here awhile Hinata. We don't want to lose you again.”

I growled at her. “When the people you love think little of you your whole life you can tell me what to do. When you grow up in a clan who brands your cousin and disowns you then you can talk. Don’t think you know me cause you talked to Team 8. They did this too. You all did it, your all DOING it. Keep pretending everything okay. It’s gonna explode on you.”

Her face screwed up, like my words made her feel unpleasant. I hope they did. I wasn’t going to live for a blond idiot who people idolized.

_But you did. You were an obsessed little girl with no life...Funny how things change._

I grimaced. ”This place is poisonous,” I hissed, looking in her brown eyes and instantly despising them. “Clans breeding heirs they never love and wars fought for people who don’t even care.” 

I had figured out the truth of Konoha long ago. We fight for people who gossip behind our backs. People who watch us kill each other for entertainment. People who had called me slurs and shunned little boys because of their heritage.

Tsunade paused and looked at me with something akin to empathy.  _I hate her too. For pretending people could be saved._

“We’re great at taking from people and being surprised when they’ve had enough,” she looked at me for while before saying, “I’m sorry your one of those people, Hinata. I truly am.”

Her heels clicked as she exited the room in a hurried walk. I resumed staring blankly at the wall. I was already planning my escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip my booty cheek it’s hurting real bad rn


	5. Who Did you Save?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata plans escape. Naruto comes to visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooooooooo. Add me on fan fiction sis. @colorgirl3000 and C.G Three Thousand on Wattpad

I’ve been planning my escape for weeks. How I was gonna get out. Leave here. Start my journey as a guardian angel. I was stable, unmoving, sure of my decision. My feelings were like stones. Even though the voices didn't sound as frequently through my head like they usually did, I was ready to run. Did Tsunade think she could keep me here forever? Of course not. I was a stone. A rock. I would not turn and bark like I was a dog of the Leaf. Death would meet me soon and I'd get what I'd wanted. It all ran smooth. But like always he had to ruin everything. Like always.

* * *

 

" **Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars."**

**-Violeta Parra**

"You have a visitor, Ms. Hyuga."

"Don't wanna see anyone," I murmured in a sleepy voice.

"We can't exactly refuse his entry-"

"Let's get this straight. I'm the patient, and you're the fucking nurse so you listen to what **I** say. BUZZ. THE. FUCK. OFF." I was shouting now, angry that this dumb ass nurse who seemed to not speak Japanese. Stupid, idiot, slutty, no good-

"Hey Hinata," said **him.**

 _I'm gonna slit that nurse's throat,_ I thought as his blue eyes met mine. He walked with a bounce in his step. As to be expected from the sunniest man in Konoha. I wondered what he did today. Save someone from their tragic fate? Reunite the golden trio? Maybe he gave therapy to all of Konoha and told them the world would be beautifully-fucking-changed because of the efforts of their people. _Of him._

He sat down arms fidgeting at his sides. He couldn't sit still, his feet tapping steadily, eyes looking everywhere before they settled on me. _Coward,_ my mind hissed.

"Naruto," I said, wincing as my voice came out in its frail, empty tone.

I hated my voice. The way it never rose above a whisper, making people want to coddle me and spare their feelings. _Well, fuck them. They'll learn soon that I can yell and scream and make people hurt. Hurt like they've hurt me._ I fixated my gaze at the man who had the audacity to come here. Shaved blond hair. Sky blue eyes. Dazzling sun-kissed skin -

I took my hand and rammed it into the stray nail I had found against the wall a few weeks ago, relishing the pain. The nail was hidden by my body, located on the side of the bed, so he never saw the motion. Not that it mattered at the moment with my mind going haywire with his. _Don't forget who you are, Hinata. A childhood fantasy shouldn't make up your personality._ Darker thought edges around the corners of my mind. **Idiots with a hero complex don't deserve attention. Especially blond-headed ones who chase after pink-haired trolls.** My body relaxed and I could feel another emotion taking place: Recklessness.

"I've wanted to stop by for some time now," he said scratching the back of his head, "Miss me?"

It was meant to be as a joke. I wasn't supposed to take offense to it or shove my hand down farther on the nail. The blood pooled around the sheets but I turned toward him shielding the sight from him. I smiled cruelly at him, feeling the hate and acrimony I had gathered for him unleash its ugly fangs. He **infuriated** me. The tense silence lasted for a few minutes, and he unconsciously scooted away, visibly disturbed by my smile and the icy silence followed by his comment.

"No, Naruto."

He jumped, startled I had spoken at all.

"What was that Nata-Chan," his voice betraying the smile he wore on his face. It was a forced tone of happiness like he wished he could have been with anyone else.

"No Naruto, I haven't missed you at all."

His smile fell, and he looked at me with that pasted look of pretend-worry in his eyes. That look he used with people to make them think he actually **he cared** about their well-being...

_He saved the world but couldn't save Neji._

All hail the fucking hero!

"Hinata, are you okay," asked Naruto, his blond eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Am I okay," I repeated, barely holding in the laughter that was now bubbling in the back of my throat. "Am I —okay?" I laughed hard now, the sound empty and cold. I hadn't laughed since Neji died. Since the war was over. I hadn't truly smiled out of joy since my eighteenth birthday. I had tried to kill myself a few weeks ago. Voices had been whispering in my head the last few years telling me to tear myself apart. My skin was stained with self-inflicted scars. But he asked — I was wheezing now, tears building in the corners of my eyes from laughter — if I was okay?

I yanked my hand from the nail I had impaled with and ran it down the side of my face, enjoying the feeling of my own blood smearing across my skin. _**Like it should've been all those years ago, they**_ whispered. _**You should've died in the place of your cousin. You are already halfway there.**_ They slithered around in her head, filling her with that sense of reckless abandonment. _**Make him realize, Hinata —**_ she smiled looking at the look of pure horror Naruto had written across his face — _**that he…**_

I leaned towards him, the back of my hand pressing against his neck pushing him forwards so he could press against me. My nose brushed his.

"You saved no one."

His eyes widened and I watched in that second as he faltered for a second, watched him crumble at my words. In that second I watched Naruto Uzamaki break at the truth, watched him wilt. And I absolutely loved it.

"Your wrong," he whispered back, his eyes filling with hope — foolish, short-lived hope — "We saved what we could."

And all too soon I was yelling in fury, in craziness, in hate.

"I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU."

I wanted for him to break, to hurt, to scream in agony as his sins tore him apart. I wanted him to collapse in grief like I did every July third. I wanted him to see how much Konoha broke me.

"Your pathetic, Naruto. A pathetic excuse of a savior, of a friend, of a person." I felt the blood drip down my neck and into my hospital gown. He was pressing a button now, probably to summon Tsunade and her shitty hospital staff. He looked worried, sad, and sick. He tried to pull away from me, break away from the grasp I had on his neck. _Poor hero, Naruto Uzumaki, having to witness the crazy Hyuga who once licked his boots, yell at him. Poor Uzumaki having to hear the truth._

"Hinata, calm down. Tsunade's coming and she's gonna fix this alright! She's gonna-"

"I'm gonna fly away," I told him, loving the look of helplessness on his face, "I'm going to fly away from all of you pathetic people stuck in your shitty delusions. You all think you did something? You think we actually ended the war. You think you did something because no one, except me, hates you," I snorted in amusement at the thought, "But you'll see."

He stood there listening to me, looking like he had no idea what to do. Like I was a barking dog he couldn't quiet. I lifted myself off the bed, noting how his shoulders stiffened. Like I was a disease. A plague. Instead of running or crying, I threw my arms around his neck. The feel of his body against mine disgusted me, reminding of the hate I carried for him.

The Byakugan flared to life, looking straight at him — through him — like it could sense my hatred. I stood on my toes and brushed my lips against his ears, ignoring the pounding footsteps of possibly half the hospital staff.

"Itachi gave me wings. Wings to fly. Wings to leave. Wings to join Neji."

I let go of him, not wanting to touch him anymore.

"I see why Sasuke left," I gave him a smile, "None of you are worth staying for. And those who were are dead."

The hospital staff busted into the room, Tsunade and Sakura leading them, both women possessing fear in their eyes. Naruto's eyes never left mine, never wavered from me. When the first few tears fell from his eyes, I laughed knowing that I broke some of him.

The needle they shoved in my throat didn't stop my laughter from echoing across the room.

I hoped it haunted them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip my neck that thang is done


	6. Sister of a Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanabi's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this has no editing meaning there will most likely be plenty of typos and poor grammar. This chapter is also in the perspective of Hanabi.

“I fucking hate you,” I whispered to Hiashi (Hiashi because I was _mad_ and I almost lost **you,** Hinata, _my sister—my fucking sister—)_ as I got up from the table. I walked angrily (because heiresses can’t stomp) to my room ignoring the shouts of Ko trying to call me back. I hated this house, The Hyuga, the fucking SLAVES. I hated it all because, in the end, they had caused you to—

I paused, glancing inside the room painted lilac. It was plain (like you, Hinata, but not really because your a maze, one with so many corners. **_Fucking sharp corners_ **—) and basic and so...so you that it hurt to even look at it.

So I hated them. I hated the Hyuga because in the end, they had erased everything you had been and left a stranger. A stranger who had slit your wrists and left the world with no regard for those who cared for you. (Hinata Hyūga was dead before that act and even then I think you thought little of those who said they cared for you.) 

I didn’t even register the tears until they soaked into my sheets (when the fuck did I walk into my room—) staining the pillows that smelled like you. Like Hinata Hyūga. Like happiness.

_After all these years, Hiashi got what he wanted,_ I thought, shifting in my kimono.

 

That troubled me the most.

* * *

  


_Before the incident…_

_Hyūga Compound_

_4:30 PM_

 

I think we like to believe people will always be resilient. That people can be strong enough to accept losses, pain. At least that was what the old you used to think **.** You used to believe that if we all stuck together that we could overcome any obstacles. Now I’m not so sure. I don’t know who the person eating across from me is. (Your all Hyūga and no Hinata these days.)

This version of you doesn’t smile much. Or talk really and on the rare occasions she does, it’s outside, in front of Neji’s grave. She doesn’t laugh and is a little too skinny in the face. She’s like a ghost. Pale, quiet, and reminding me that death has many definitions. Never there to enjoy her time but always there to haunt you.

(I think I’m starting to hate this version of you.)

“How was training today,” I asked.

“Fine,” you answered, your eyes never rising. I fucking hate when you do that. 

“How are Shino and Kiba?”

“Fine.”

You hadn’t left the house in weeks. I gritted my teeth watching as you ate a bit of rice before laying your chopsticks down. Didn’t anybody know you weren’t eating! Why was I the only one who could see what was wrong? Your dying. Why was I the only one seeing you die?!

“Everything’s always _fucking_ fine with you isn’t it, Nata?”

“Hanabi,” my father said glaring at me, a warning in his tone. 

“NO, WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS,” I roared, standing up from the table. And you sat there with your eyes down, not looking at me (Look at me please, so I know there’s someone I know in there—) like I wasn’t your sister. Like I wasn’t Hanabi. Like you didn’t think once that we could be strong _together._

“You think you can fool me. Think you can put on this emotionless façade, think you can just hide away from us all. Not me Nata. You know-” 

“I’m sorry if I was an inconvenience to you Hanabi-”

“—I’m Hanabi remember. We can get through this if you just—”

“—next time I will try harder to be more engaging—”

“—just fucking talk! JUST TALK TO ME—”

“—and less downtrodden.”

 

I sobbed. I felt my lungs shudder and my eyes leak tears, betraying the angry front I was trying to put up. Father was yelling something (I don’t remember what it was, I was just trying to get you to look at me, _acknowledge me)_ that was supposed to calm me down. I wanted you to look at me. To see me.

My chair squeaks loudly as I walked away leaving shattered plates and an angry father in my wake. 

Later on, I bumped into you in the halls and you looked at me (finally you looked at me) and I found no one I knew in your eyes. They were cold and uncaring and for a second there, I feared you, Hinata would strike me down. But you only walked away leaving me haunted (more than I already was) by your eyes.

A week later I found you with your wrists slit in the bathtub. _Breathe,_ I begged. I screamed for help even though I knew, (knew you didn’t care, knew you hated it here, knew you were joining Neji.)

And I begged everyone above that you would come back, (all of you because I feel like some parts have been gone for a while now.) I begged Kami and our dead mother and everything good in the world to not take you away from me.

 

I’ve never cried so hard in my life.

* * *

  


_After the incident..._

_Konoha Hospital_

_12:30 AM_

 

I’d like to think you still love me.

 

So wake up…

 

Please. Because I still love you.

 

(Or who you used to be but I think I can try to love you now too.)

Don’t leave me. Your the only good thing left. Your my happy. You. Hinata Hyūga. Wake up, please so I can stop crying (because nowadays I can only cry.)

 

* * *

 

_Present Day_

_Hyūga Compound._

_Hyūga Hanabi_

  


So I sit here hating the Hyūga (and sometimes you too for trying to leave me) in my best kimono.

Hiashi said I’m not permitted to visit. He can go fuck himself.

Your worth getting in trouble for. I hope you know that.

 

Kami, I really hope you do.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls tell me how to improve and what u liked about the story. I appreciate comments.


	7. Her First Victim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAHAHAH You thought I wouldn't update. 
> 
> Warning: Crazy, dark, and seductive Hinata ahead. I warned you. Fourth draft and tbh it could have gone so many different ways. I liked this version the best.

The girl’s name was Nicole and she had been taking care of me for the last week. Tsunade had hired her after the incident and I couldn’t help but laugh. She sedated me almost every day and I made sure to insult her before she did it, berating her skills every time. The girl cried every time and I was surprised she had lasted so long.  She wasn't what I needed though. I needed someone to manipulate, someone that would bend to my will and help me escape. 

 

Sighing, I glanced over at the girl. I would have to insult Nicole for a little while longer.

* * *

 

> **"Love isn’t always good. Sometimes it’s dark and twisted. Sometimes...It isn’t love at all."**
> 
> **_-Uknown_ **

 

“Susie, dear,” I called, “Can you get a book for me?”

Susie was the name of the new nurse Tsunade had hired. The girl was absolutely useless, but she got me anything I wanted and was terribly skittish. I assumed that Tsunade must be pretty desperate for nurses because the girl was utterly dull, barely able to complete simple tasks. (Nicole, had at least remembered to bring me water and new linens.) Susie was young and seemed to harbor a crush on me, while also being downright terrified. I pretended not to notice her gentle touches and long looks.  **_We’re gonna ruin her,_ ** the voices inside my head whispered. I silently agreed.

She was currently holding the food tray I hadn’t touched, setting it down at the sound of my voice.

“Y-Yes Ms. Hyuga. Anything particular?”

I wished she would stop all that damned stuttering. It reminded me too much of myself.

“A book about chemical mixtures would be great. Specifically, chloroform, if you don’t mind.”

“But Tsunade-sama said― ” 

“Susie, dear,” I hissed, grabbing her nearest limb —which was her arm—and digging my nails into it. She whimpered and I almost laughed cruelly. I yanked her forward, ignoring the cry she made and pulled her down. She fell halfway on top of me, a blush painted over her features and this time  **_I did_ ** laugh, wondering how Tsunade hired a dull, civilian nurse to watch over me, but also one who harbored such a pathetic crush. 

I yanked her hair, (thinking about how much fun it would be to chop it off and make her cry), and made sure her eyes met mine. 

“We wouldn’t want you ending up all hurt and broken, now, would we,” I asked, watching her nod her stupid, blond head. “That would be a tragedy, wouldn’t it?” Susie nodded her head again and I decided to play with her a little bit by running my fingers through her hair.  _ Good pets should be rewarded, right?  _

She blushed under my attention, like the little school girl she was and nodded. I rewarded her by pulling her up, my movements sluggish from the sedatives I was on. Nonetheless, her small body rose pressing against mine until she was practically straddling me. I hid my disgust for her and instead pulled her closer till our noses brushed. I pulled back and kissed her forehead, enjoying the cruel darkness that welled up inside me.  _ I’m gonna ruin you,  _ I thought, planting another kiss to her nose. I paused before her lips. 

“You’re gonna get those books for me, right.” 

She nodded her head and licked her lips, leaning closer. 

“Your gonna help me get out of here, right?”

She looked unsure this time and I claimed her lips without hesitation, giving her no time to think. Susie gasped and I took advantage of that, my tongue diving into her mouth. Every gasp and moan I drew out of her made me smirk. I bit and sucked and punished her mouth with mine. She yielded, melting into my hold.

“I’m gonna ruin you,” I whispered to her as I pulled away, leaving her lips bitten and swollen. 

She smiled as if I gave her a new present and I laughed (a cold, wretched sound I was starting to become familiar with.) 

I’d found my way out. 

 

**_3 years earlier..._ **

_ I sat there with a cake in front of me with people I hadn’t liked in years. Sometimes I wonder if I’d ever liked them at all. They all were loud or unique in some type of way. Ino with her girly-girl demeanor and nice body. Loving. Sassy. Pretty. Everyone pretended they hated her lessons but they liked. Loved her like a big sister. Sakura with her bright pink hair and green eyes. Loud. Attention-Grabbing. Fierce. Konoha shinobi drunk it up. They loved looking at her and appraising her. Tsunade’s apprentice, the Sannin, the best girl in the rookie nine. _

_ They both were like sisters. Inseparable. _

_  Kiba. Loud. Roguish. Cute. The girls loved it. Adored it. With his sharp teeth, rugged handsomeness, and boisterous personality. He never could be wrong.  _

_ “Your form’s wrong,” I once said.  _

_ “Your’s is never right,” he replied. Like I was nothing. Like I was a liability.  _

_ Then there were Choji and Shikamaru. Perfect best friends. Shikamaru with his grudging loyalty and big brother nature. He would do anything to protect us all. But especially those in his close circle. (I was one of them and because of that he watched me extra closely.) Then Choji with his friendly disposition and easy attitude.  _

_ The rest were losers. Tenten, Shino, me. But they all fit in. All laughing and enjoying themselves.  All made for each other. When Neji died I realized quite quickly that I had never belonged. That I was too quiet and weak (with no blond hair, or exotic colored eyes). I was too much Hinata and not enough Sakura (strong and loud), too little Ino (flirty and pretty), and not enough TenTen (clever and cheeky).  _

_ So I sat there watching as they laughed and later on as some of them danced with each other.  _

_ “You having fun, Hinata?” asked Kiba, barely sparing me a glance as his eyes stayed glued on Ino’s hips. _

_ “No,” I whispered, but he was already gone.  _

 

That’s when I first heard the voices. 

 

**_No one really cares, you know?_ **

_ I whipped my head around looking around for the voice. The Nine had taken me to a club for my birthday. I hated clubs. I hated the loud music and people and lights. I took a deep breath and looked around. My traitorous eyes moved to a blond head I had tried not to think about the whole night. He was perfect as always. Smiling and Blond and-- _

_ Glued to Sakura’s barely covered form as if his life depended on it. He was happy like that. And all too soon I was seeing red. I  _ **_hated him._ ** _ I hated how had only said one sentence to me tonight, I hated how the Nine took me to a club, and I hated the way my eyes stayed glued to Naruto’s smile even as he ground himself against Sakura. _

**_Get a drink. Stew in your hate._ **

_ Before I knew it, I was at the bar. The dress I didn’t want to wear, rode up legs and I desperately tried to pull back down. I looked up and grabbed the menu in front of me. Shortly after a drink was slipped in front of me. It was blue and looked fruity.  _

_ “From the gentlemen over there,” pointed the bartender before moving on. _

_ I looked over to my right. The man was tall and lean, definitely a shinobi. He had tan skin and dark, alluring eyes that were staring straight at me. I couldn’t even muster up a fake blush. His hair was brown and at shoulder length. He looked like some type of model with his tailored shirt and shiny shoes.  _

_ I didn’t think twice before gulping down the drink, enjoying the fruity taste it left. When I finished I felt slightly dizzy.  _

_ Maybe I should go home, I thought.  _ (When I had the capability to think and not be urged on by the voices.)

_ I stood up and swayed a little before a hand landed in the small of my back to steady me. I looked beside me and found dark, alluring eyes staring me down. I instantly felt uneasy, and my vision blurring didn’t help. (It had never crossed my mind that my vision never blurred.) _

_ “Wanna go outside?” he asked and I shook my head, but he leads me away anyway, my vision becoming blurrier with each step.  _

_ When we were outside he pushed me against the wall gently. He looked at me with a lecherous stare and then unbuckled his belt. His pants fell to the floor and he was pulling his boxers off. His hand fumbled as he pulled them down and it occurred to me then that he was going to rape me.   _

_ When he pressed against me I began to struggle, trying to get him off of me.  _

_ “Kiba,” I yelled but I know he’ll never hear me.  _

_ The strange man begins to rip my dress off and he no longer looked alluring but devious and evil. He pushed me on the ground when I was naked and climbed on top of me. I struggled some more but he just pinned me down, his larger hands gripping my wrists.  _

 

**_They didn’t even come for you._ **

**_They barely noticed you were gone._ **

**_Now your being raped, Hinata._ **

**_By a man, you don’t even know._ **

 

_ “Your gonna love this,” he whispered and at that moment I burst into tears. They leaked out my eyes as he shoved his filthy cock into me. As minuted passed he rocked into me harder, his hot breath running over my skin.  _

_ “You love this, don’t you. I knew you would. I knew it. I knew it.” _

_ I sobbed on the ground wondering when it would end. When he would stop raping me. When my teammates noticed I was gone. If  _ **_anyone_ ** _ noticed I was gone. But no one came.  _

_ When I stumbled back into the club crying and clutching my coat, no one noticed. I limped out leaving a trail of blood hoping someone would come over and ask me if I was all right.  _

_ They never did. _


End file.
